Saturday, February 2, 2008

I'm happy

It's weird, I almost am hesitant to write about my current state of happiness, because I feel like readers get bored with happy. I get more response to my painful, major life lesson, ephiphany-type blogs than I do to my "life is good" kinda blogs...

Maybe that's why as humans we seem to be addicted to pain...because happiness is boring? Contentment = lack of excitement? I dunno, but, after a couple years of serious struggles, pain, and ephiphanies, I'm tired of them. C'mon happiness, bring it on in it's full boring force...

Each day, I laugh more and more. And it's real laughing. The kind you can't stop even if you try. (Which can be unfortunate, if you are in a public area and the laughing has just caused your drink to spew out of your mouth (or nose) or you accidentally let out an inadvertant snort). And I am really beginning to I enjoy where I am, both physically and in life in general. I think about the past less and less, and the future less and less, and enjoy now--a lot.

Maybe it's being in Italy, or maybe it's being with Paolo. I'm sure both of those factors play a huge part in it. But, more than anything, it's being me. I'm beginning to like the scars I've accumulated, and the person I've become because of where my life has gone, and the decisions I've made. I've never felt brave before, but I do now. I don't feel scared anymore. I am not sure what to attribute that to other than living through my worst nightmare, and coming out better than I ever could have imagined. I am proud of myself.

And sure, I still have bad days. But that's life. You have to have the bad ones to be able to appreciate the good ones. I have no idea what the future holds, and you know, I'm ok with that, because knowing that would make life really boring.


bleeding espresso said...

So true--readers do seem to respond more to the dramatic and often sad more than the happy. Oh well. No need to create drama just for blog comments, right?!

I laughed when I read this:

"Maybe it's being in Italy, or maybe it's being with Paolo."

Could've written that myself ;)

Anonymous said...

How Beautifully and Wonderfully boring! ;-)
I love it!!
Hugs to you (and Paolo too)!

Megan said...

Hi Maggie, I know you don't know me, I am a friend of Jenn's and have recently gotten quite addicted to this blogging thing...anyways I read your post about happiness and wanted to say, isn't it like a miracle to go through hell and come out on the other side and rediscover your limitless ability to love and laugh and see the beauty in the world and in life? I am happy for you! Keep laughing!

AB said...

Maggie...Happiness no matter how "boring" it may seem, is ALL that it's cracked up to be. I am very happy and proud of you.


JenniferLWilliams78 said...

WOW Maggie! You SOUND happy. It's been a long time coming. I'm so proud of you too. And you are a constant inspiration to me.

Tell happiness I said hi and that I hope to come hang out soon.

Miss you tons, especially your laugh. Looking forward to the spring :)